My first love, first illusion and first lack of love

      My first love, first illusion and first lack of love

When I entered my first year of high school, I did not think about anything except studying and getting good grades ... but when I got to high school, my three friends already had their "love stories", that is, each one had already experienced something romantic and They were in love ... but ... I did not know what to answer to that.

A couple of months went by and when I entered the classroom I felt a hug that came from behind, it was one of the best feelings I will ever forget ... it was a child who hugged me from behind, I do not know why and I do not know why he kept me Trapped in her arms for a couple of minutes, more classmates began to enter and that beautiful feeling gradually dispersed. From that day I no longer saw him as a companion, I saw him as something different ... since I had never experienced anything like that.

Once during a recitation I had I forgot a part of what I had to say and it was then that he disguised so that the teacher does not see him, he told me what was going on, this was repeated a few times during oral lessons, etc.

He would sometimes "play" with his friends, throw some pieces of eraser or pencils, while I was drawing in my notebook a pencil hit my head and he came to me a little hurried and apologized very much, I just I stood still and he made my head meet his chest, he gave me a kiss where I hit and he rubbed my head, I always thought it was something exaggerated that he did that, but ... I blushed as never in that instant! !

After that, every time our eyes collided I blushed and looked elsewhere.
One day in technical drawing class he had forgotten to take cardboard and went to me and said: Can you give me a card? I blushed and said I did not have it, because I really did not have anything but one for me. He answers: Do not tell me you gave a card to another boy that is not me, right? I noticed that it got a little red. From there he also began to blush ...

Again during a work in class I saw that it was coming towards me, I suppose to ask me to explain something ... but I looked at it and it was red, I looked again and it turned around and it was ...

Time after we stopped having "romantic events" and more, one day I saw him with a girl from another parallel in the classroom, how empty I felt ... During the exams something very personal happened to me that I will not mention, and I went running to the toilets and I started to cry, I cried for three hours ... my friends consoled me but I prevented them from entering the bathroom, because I did not want to see anyone ...

The rumor of what had happened spread throughout the school and I felt very sad ... I had a very low self-esteem at that moment ... so low that I thought nothing mattered and I felt so sad because he had moved far away from me ... and then I made the worst decision I could have chosen, DECLARE ME.

I'm not saying it's bad that I declared, the bad were the circumstances, after I had passed something so terrible I told him on Facebook ... He did not answer anything and left me in fifteen minutes, I sent a message to a friend I was a good friend of him and she told me that she told her about my statement, she sent me the chat they had and they had messages from him saying: JAJAJAJA POBREEE and she had placed it in capital letters.

At that time my self-esteem came so low that I had thoughts and suicidal attempts, but hopefully I got over it ...

 

I know he does not deserve my cry, but what can I say ... I still like it ... He has a I do not know what, what do I know ... It was my first love and the last one, because after that I hate children, I am very closed with the children ... but I will never forget it, we live many more things, I think I liked it ... only after what happened to me I stopped liking ... so I guess it was my fault, I no longer trust in love but he never I will stop loving him.