Lately I think of you

                           Lately I think of you

I know that this will seem strange and a bit uncomfortable and believe me it is the last thing I want you to feel.

Lately I think of you more than what I would call healthy but I'm not surprised, you're really an interesting and to some extent enigmatic guy, you do and say things that do not fit into an established profile and it's difficult to read, I guess that's one of the reasons why I keep busy thinking about you from time to time.

First of all let me tell you the reasons why these lines, the most important thing: I like you, it's hard to say because you're just my virtual friend and even then I think I hooked up a bit with the person you seem to be, I like your sense of humor, the way you think of certain things and how you enjoy your time and what you like, believe me not many people do it, throughout my short life I have met enough people to realize that the most difficult thing is be authentic and I myself am involved in situations that I accept or in which I modify my way of being to "fit in" but I am learning to create my own path and stay real (as much as I can) and finally you seem to have a good heart and that's probably the most important and most special thing about you.

What because I tell you this? Believe me I do not know well but I have meditated several nights and some days, I guess that is the time that forces me, remember that recently a very dear cousin died? Well that made me think seriously about what I spend my time and although I have not modified much of what I might call "waste of time" there are things that I just can not stay with and one of them is this; Tell you what I feel.

Now comes the difficult, this is not a matter of recent weeks, maybe even the last few months, the truth is that you appeared before my eyes a long time ago, just when one of the most devastating and painful stages was going on. That moment I lived, and the worst ... by my own hand. One day in which my existence was almost a shell, my eyes rested on you, I know it may sound a bit eccentric but it was, could not explain my words better, just turn and it was you, of course I did not see you and I said "oh this is the right one" it was just a slight spark of life he was ignited by your presence, something caught my attention, until now I did not explain what it was, in that moment the least I wanted close to my were men, friends or nothing like it,

Suddenly one day I discovered fantasizing that you would notice me, and the worst thing is that I started looking at you more than I should have and the weirdest of all is that always something inside me pushes me to try it, I do not know if it's just with you or if it is something in me, but really the least that I am is brave and that adds to my insecurity, it is not at all the combination to talk to a stranger that most likely is that not a single hello would answer ... but what do you think? Maybe you do not know but you answered hello and that day I felt recostar, I spoke to a stranger who looked inaccessible and of course the next step was to find a way to shorten the distance, I tried to speak through an acquaintance and hit me haha although it was hard it was also satisfying to be able to talk to you.

I had already decided to give up but I repeat, a strange force pushes me to try or maybe I refuse to accept defeat, but I am not that kind of person, really the fact that I did something for me that I wanted, it made me I felt that I had obtained what I wanted, but well, once again I said "this is the last time" and I spoke again and this time you answered, we talked and even though it cost me hard to make you start to open up and I said it cost me because You labeled me as "stalker", I do not blame you, I would have done it, I think we are not used to strangers simply want to engage in conversation, we are afraid, we are distrustful or just do not care, but well ... that was how we spoke for a few days and it came to light how kind you are which I liked.After that we stopped talking for a while and once again I said it would be the last time and well at least that turned out better, since that last time we talked often, you are interested in my life and I know more about you than I ever thought or I even dreamed of knowing and well, not for nothing. I started to feel like I do now, right?

Now I want to tell you something that happened to me today, I was talking with my friend and she told me something that left me a little surprised, and I say a little because when I thought about it deeply I always knew it. He told me that I label people, specifically the men that interest me, in this case I was talking about you, I have always tried to concentrate on our differences in order to create a dividing line. Why? Obviously because it is easier to have reasons to accept the rejection. What rejection will you think? Well it is not difficult to realize that you do not intend to meet me in person and it is ok to accept it, I really spend a lot of time waiting for that exit that you promised but I put myself in your shoes and I do not blame you, the situation is uncomfortable and I hope this does not make it more,

Do not worry about whatever this makes you feel. I like you and I just want you to know, the world is better now that you know it.

And well that's it, to see what follows ...

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